RECENT ADVICE
"Bradford
Batty Boys Kashmiri Hot Poultice" or (lack of dick
and "Purejoy" ankle)
1. There needs to be a
big curry night with all Sexy Boys en seance and Steve will
have to lay prostrate on the central altar table of Omar
Khairm wearing a turban steeped in Yak piss.
2. Turboduck will mount
the prostrate Steve and taking out his dick will place it
on Steve's damaged ankle area, meanwhile other members of
the team will "lay on hands" smeared in Chicken
Masala and massage the ego of Turboduck prodding it cautiously
up and around the ankle of the prostrate Steve, taking care
to get plenty of Boohna under the foreskin flange and well
rubbed in to the affected ankle area.
3. This treatment is well
known in Yorkshire as "Bradford Batty Boys Kashmiri
Hot Poultice" and the efficaciousness of the treatment
can be judged by the reactions of the patients:
a) If Turboduck gets a
large and fragrant "K2" his problems with embarrassment
about dick size, lack of stiffness and general poor performance
in the erectile energy stakes will have been cured forever.
It is however recommended that cured patients remain in
the Bradford area as there are not many white birds who
enjoy getting stuffed by someone who has a bell-end that
stinks like a Kashmiri curry house.
b) If Steve Andrews struggles
like a Yorkshire chip shop boy getting back-scuttled over
a hot chip-pan frier with lard lube by a chip shop owner
called Mohammed, and yet still manages to break free and
runs out of the Omar Khairm the speed of Carl Lewis it will
undoubtedly show that his ankle injury has been completely
healed the Twinkletoes way!
By the way does anyone
have any gynecological stirrups we can bring to the curry
house?
Your consultant and C.E.O.
Twinkle
Dear Twinkletoes,
I have a doozey of a dilema.
I am shagging this one girl right now and it is alright,
but i have another bird flying into town, how can i keep
the two apart or even better yet how can i get the two together?
Say, for instance I am at the bar with one girl and the
other shows, a bit cheeky i know, but just imagine, how
can I handle such a scenario or even benefit from it? I
really appreciate any help you can offer.
Regards,
Troubling threesome
Dear Troubling Threesome,
I am shocked you are asking noble Stan
for such information and advise. Stan is a man, of noble
and high moral principle, and being from Yorkshire is extremley
attractive to all females. However, being unmarried he is
also unlikely to give away to Septics the skills developed
by Yorkshire men over centuries of charming and pillaging
(if the charm didn't work) around Lancashire and the rest
of the world.
Luckily for you however, I being a married
Yorkshire man, somewhat tired with devouring the fruits
of Asian womankind, prior of course to my nupitals, am in
an excellent position to guide you on this issue.
I assume the totty that is flying into
Beijing is a "gai si mo" and equally I assume
the totty you are banging here is a "yellow puss",
right ? This being the case the situation is very easily
resolved. You must do the following:
Explain to the "yellow puss"
that your sister is coming (or if the "gai si mo"
is very ugly you could say your mother), and she will have
to pretend to be your maid if she wants to stay in the house.
You can also give her a nice little frilly black maid dress
and stockings to tart her up a bit and keep you hard.
On arrival explain to the "gai
si mo" that due to the current success of your business
and your disgusting personal habits you now can afford,
and feel it necessary to have, especially in the light of
her visit, a full time live in maid to keep the house spick
and span.
When your "gai si mo" wants
servicing at nightime you can explain to "yellow puss"
that your sister is very emotional and that you always used
to sleep next to each other when you were kids and its just
like old times. You can make up for this by rooting the
box off "yellow puss" each morning after you send
"gai si mo" to the silk market.
This strategy is called in Yorkshire:
"rooting two trees with one branch" and will work
very well as long as you don't try any cross pollination.
If on the other hand it is cross pollination
you are after there is only one thing for it: home made
Herefordshire Elderflower Wine and Hash Cakes in very large
quantity applied to both girls very liberally. After this
Yorkshire women like to collect my sperm in a gold cup which
we then all drink together with an elderflower wine top.
This naturally and inevitabily leads to extensive and rampant
cross-pollination.
Try it,
Twinkle Toes
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