| Where Are They Now? |
| Although a load of our
squad could be classed as OLD, these guys got to the age
where it was no longer possible to play both on and off
the pitch and have been put out to graze ... |
Name: Atilla Kayardi
Nickname: Dilla
Comments: Mad Turkish nutter
who has obviated the need to run by developing skills
which Maradona would have been proud of. Probably our
most skillful player and had a regular spot in JJ's at
the Seoul Hyatt during the World Cup singing Kylie tunes.
Fatherhood now seems to
be taking its toll, and Atilla's all to infrequent attempts
at running are greeted with amazed cries from the rest
of the team - "look, Atilla's running!"
Deficiencies - Needs a proper nickname
and a recent photo
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Name: Andrew Barnes
Nickname: Barnesy
DOB: Late 60's
Weight: Over
Goals: Never passed the halfway
line so no
Characteristics: Shagged
most of the birds in The Den and St. Margarets - allegedly
without any payment.
Comments: Transferred
form the Mongolian National squad. As captain, Barnsey
understood the importance of strong leadership and setting
a good example. His rabid tackling in defence was generally
acknowledged to present more danger to himself than the
intended victim, but they seem to get distracted and lose
the ball anyway.
Now in Jakarta and still shagging
himself senseless. Waiting for Sexy to get off their
arses and join him down there for a Tour.
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Name: Adrian Stanley
Nickname: Stan
DOB: Late 60's
Height: Lanky git
Goals: To get a woman
Birth Place: Huddersfield
UK (explains why hes in China)
Comments: Captain before
the Viceroy, Staaaaan was nicknamed after his shrill screams
whenever the ball came near his sizeable head. Characteristics:
A placid Yorkshire bloke, but hes not placid with the
ladies.
Now confusing our colonial friends
in Washington DC with his broad yet dulcet Yorkshire
tones
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Name: James Millard - Centre
Defence
Games: Bottled it in the
SuperCup, sprained toenail
Goals: Gives good head
Characteristics: Tight
on handing out the free mobile phones
Comments: Key figure in
the team as he has a motor As with ocean going tankers,
opposition members are advised to leave a wide berth when
Jim senses the ball come within 10 yards of his finely
tuned radar/forehead
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Name: Craig Hyde - Right
Back
Nickname: Trojan
Squad No: 2
Goals: Probably not
Comments: Team driver,
good BBQs
We wish him well back home
in Blighty
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Name: Andy West
Nickname: Westy
Comments: Westy is an Aussie
who used to run the the Hilton Health Club (and it was
rumoured the old Maggies behind the Hilton). He was Player/Manager
and founder of the Hatch and the only thing that could
bench-press more than him was his erection.
He was a great ball player - especially when handling
his own - and was well know for his liberal views on most
social and geo-polical issues. He was greatly liked in
the squad and his best skills were definately off rather
than on the pitch especially when it came to organising
social events and tours.
He also won many cups with "the Hatch" on tour most notably
"first player to shoot his load trophy" managing ejaculation
in 3 minuites 45 secs. after arrival on team bus at the
Kunming Holiday Inn.
His role on the pitch was usually as a sweeper - sweeping
up trouble that is - and could often be seen sweeping
down the pitch 40-50 yds. from centre back to knock somebodies
fucking head off about 5 mins. after their last and foolish
infringement against one of his Hatch brothers.
When he wasn't sweeping on the pitch he could also be
found sweeping off the pitch - and particularly liked
sweeping out fragments of Sichuan Lunch from the snatch/arse
area of Kunming nightfighters.(Chris Murphy quote)
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Name: Mark Bromhead
Nickname: Brommy
Comments: Ex co-manager of Sexy
FC now in Hong Kong |
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Name: David Shaw
Nickname: Shawry
Comments: Who can forget the
imortal scream of Maxine "you leave my David alone"
as he was mobbed by 20 Chinese during a game, now in Hong
Kong
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Name: Marc Whitehead
Nickname: Scouse
Birth Place: Stoke with a Liverpool
bias
Comments : Never failed
to give a belly larf
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Name: Marco
Birth place: Holland?
Comments:Went home for a bird
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Name: Stuart Hurman - Left
Defence
Nickname: Gobshite
Favourite sayings: Stop wanking
each other off, your mum owes my dog fuck money
Characteristics: Hangs out the
back of Duncs mum
Looky likey: Milky Bar kid
Comments: Straight to the pitch
from Vogue/Chinese mafia parties
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Name: Jonathon Hunt/Steve Hunt
Nickname: Garfunkel
Height: 5'11" With additional
hair 6’2"
Comments: Has headed back to
the US this summer....probably signed up with an MLS team.
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Name :Jo Kauffmann
Nickname: Pepsi Jo
Looky likey: Pete Sampras
Comments: Moved to Shanghai and
Ultimate frisbee
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Name: Simon Cockerell
Comments: Got Fat, Less Hair
and we got worried he was a spy.
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Name: Mike Young
Nickname: Chinese/American Mike
Characteristics: Most likely
to dribble the ball out of the penalty box
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Name: William Szabovilmos
Characteristics: Played a few
games but gone back to Budapest now,cos BJ really messed
him up it seems
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Name: Nick Jones
Nickname: Jonesy
Goals:The goal against the French
will go down in history
Characteristics:The cheeky half time ciggy keeps him going
Comments:When he can get his arse out of bed hes a veritable
footballing genius
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Name: Duncan Falzon
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