| Sexy Squad |
| What a bunch of misfits and alcoholics ... |
Name: Jamie O'Neill
Nickname: Synopsis
Comments: Captain. |
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Name: Jens Hoydem
Nickname: Jennemeister, McJenneman,
Hulk
Characteristics: Our midfield
maestro has now become our Vice-Captain. How aptly named.
His huge amount of natural talent is matched by his equally
huge beer gut.
Also seems to be engineering a coup to have Sexy taken
over by Germans. |
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Name: Gavin Carscallen
Nickname: Gayvin
Goals Lots let in:
Characteristics: The Canadian
stereotype is that Canadians are a polite, reserved people
that tend to apologize a lot. Canadians are very tolerant,
generally open and egalitarian in nature.—there
is some truth in this. But not for Gav
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Name: Martin Kuehl
Nickname: The Viceroy, Queen
Comments: Captain last season,
proudly saw us through a period of difficulty, culminating
in our relegation. A tireless midfield and defensive general,
his goal scoring prowess is also one of his characteristics,
coming up from behind to shoot and score...
Also well known as part of
the Viceroy/Gav Sexy DJs terrible twosome
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Name: Chris (that's Christian,
not Christopher) Murphy
Nickname: Twinkle-toes / Merve
Age: Yet another Oldest team
member
Goals: Lots, but all own goals
Characteristics: Listens to the
Verve and Groove Armada and only your grandad has greyer
hair
Comments: He's a silver haired
midfield maestro, and the team's very own Fashion Guru.
In fact, it is Merve who inspired the now legendary pink
strip.
Most likely to be found: In the
karoake bar
Person most likely to: Throw
his shirt at the ref, sent off more times than Vinnie
Jones. Known for his antics in the shower, he sees a red
card as a chance to get dolled up before the real men
arrive
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Name: Michael O'Neill
Nickname: Originally "No
Show". Now Re-christened "Hanoi" after
showing his true colours on the "Full Pink Jacket"
Tour to Vietnam February 2002. Despite redeeming himself
with an excellent tour performance in Sexy's first tour
to Manila, the name has stuck. Took
the award for Most Improved Player of the Season 2001-02.
Also a perennial contender for Handbag of the Week.
Nobody is quite sure if he's from Glasgow, Ireland or
Manchester, but he's playing better than ever and his
wife's real cute.
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Name/Position: Mike Purefoy/Defender
Nickname: Purejoy / The Rock
Characteristics: Ankle injury(Purejoy
Ankle) then broken wrist kept him out of the game for
much of last season, farts in bed according to Twinkletoes
Comments: Brusing Brit with an insatiable appetite for
action on and off the field. Dodgey "Purejoy ankle"
but he's got the right bird to massage it for him before
during and after games. Also a well known tour voyeur |
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Name: Mike Iannini
Nickname: Turbo duck, spitroast,
Mikey etc
Goals: Mainly assists, as his
goal attempts generally result in opposition throw-ins.
Characteristics: Annoying big
mouth, especially when it comes to tour ticketing arrangements.
Comments: Typical yank
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Name: Derek Davies
Nickname: 'Dekka', DEL BOY, Decker,
D power, grounds keeper willy
Characteristics: Despite being
officially the oldest player in the squad, by virtue of
the fact that he teaches gym, he's probably the fittest.
Our token welshman, since Justin has gone AWOL, underneath
the calm exterior lies a steely temperament and an equally
fiery temper.
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Name: Ross Parsonage
Nickname: Rossmundo/Rossatron/
Two Beers, Cuddles
Squad No: 10
Potent strike force up front
who like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars shoots better when
wearing eye patches.
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Name: Gary Saunders
Nickname: HalfYard, Halfarm,
Gazza
Comments: Still waiting for one
of his team mate to be able to down a half yard of ale
as quick as him or even down one in the first place.
Half yard has taken over the Viceroy role from Jenne this
season.
When not injured a midfield battler |
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Name: Sam Pearson
Nickname: Tomocock, Samwise,
Stam
Comments: |
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Name: Khalil Mussa
Nickname: Speech Master
Comments: |
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Name: Max
Nickname: Penalty bro, Wingman
Comments: |
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Name: Alan Hough - Goalkeeper/Centre
forward
Nickname: The Huffster, Huffy
DOB: 1950's
Biggest triumph: Getting a 20
yr old Chinese bird
Hair: Second least on the team
Weight: Fat Bastard
Games: When not injured
Goals: A few
Characteristics: Oldest squad
member
Birth Place: Centre of known
universe- Warrington UK
Comments: Puts some of the younger
members to shame with his athleticism.
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Name: Dr Alex Von Drenden
Nickname: Spermy. Dr Spermy,
Handjob
Comments:
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Name: Josh Tunon
Nickname: Jailpuppy, penalty
bro, Sideshow bob
Comments: |
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Name: Ben 'Bar Blu' Hails
Nickname: B.B.B
Comments: |
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Name: Andy Durr
Nickname: Swissboy
Comments: |
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Name: Hawk
Nickname: Perv
Comments: |
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Name: Kemal Ayyildiz
Nickname: Creamy
Comments: |
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Name: Bradley (who?) Way
Nickname: Dr Burgos, Justin
Comments: |
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Name: Alp Altun
Nickname:
Comments: |
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Name: Ralf Minow
Nickname: Too Tall
Comments: |
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Name: Fabian Furrer
Nickname: Fabulous
Comments: |
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Name: Andrew Barnes
Nickname: BARNEYS
Comments: |
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Name: You wanna play for Sexy?
Nickname: Fuckin' Good Laugh
Comments: Drop us a Line and Try
your Luck |
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